Do Needles Always Hurt?

This past Wednesday I took my 3-year old daughter, “Beanie” to the doctor for her annual physical. It is that time of year again when doctor forms have to filled out and immunizations have to be given. Side bar: Thank God for her school reminding me when her medical form is about to expire. I would never remember when these types of things are due.
Either way, I was fortunate enough to get an appointment in the evening so I didn’t have to miss a day of work. So that morning, my daughter and I began with our regular morning routine. As usual, I began by letting her know what the plans for the day were going to be.

I explained to her that after school, we were going to visit the doctor for Dr. D to give her a check up.

As she brushed her teeth, she just nodded as if to say “Got it, sounds like a plan”.  When she finished brushing her teeth, she gave me a rundown of questions as she tried to get an idea of what her visit was going to entail “Is the doctor going to look at my eyes?” “Yes, I’m sure she will”, I responded.  “And my nose?”, “Yes”, “And my ears?”, “Yup, everything. She is going to make sure that your whole body is healthy”  She smiled, jumped down from standing on the toilet seat and we continued to head out the door.

After school let out, I picked her up and we were off to the doctor.  At Dr. D’s office Beanie was her usual quiet and observant self which she becomes in settings that she is not very familiar with. Occasionally, she asked me questions, pointing to the equipment hanging on the walls. “What’s that mama? Is that to check my mouth?”  I explained as much as I could, hoping that I got it right.  Ophthalmoscope, Otoscope, Stethescope. They all scope something!

After her check up, we were sent to the lab for bloodwork, so I explained to her where we were headed next. She looked at me quizzically, as if to ask, “what do you mean?”

So I went on to explain that she is going to have a chance to see her blood go through a really long tube and into a long glass container. “They are going to take your blood to make sure that your blood is healthy” She simply replied “oh”, and we continued on to the lab.

When we got there, the lab technician immediately informed us that she was ready for us, so we went straight to the back. “Mom, you need to sit here and put baby on your lap” the lab tech instructed me, “Then I will need you to place your arm around her body like this” she demonstrated, holding my arm gently. As she prepared her tools, Beanie watched quietly. I also watched quietly as I held her in what felt more like a soft embrace than a restraint.

Just as the tech moved the needle towards Beanies arm, I said “Okay, now you are going to see your blood go through this tube right here.

What color do you think it’s going to be?” “Red!”, she replied with a smile. “Do you think so?”, I said smiling back at her, “Let’s see!”

As the blood flowed through the tube, she watched it, mesmerized to the point of salivation, then she broke from her trance and said excitedly, “I told ya it was gonna be red!”  “Yup, you were right!”, I gave her a big squeeze as the tech took out the bandaid.

“Wow”, said the tech as she placed the bandaid on Beanie’s arm “You were so good with that needle.” Then the tech looked at me and said, “I have never seen this before.  She didn’t even flinch!”

Then my child actually said grinning from ear to ear, “I like needles!”.  While I found that reaction to be a bit awkward, I couldn’t help to also acknowledge that she had a huge smile on her face, which was the total opposite of what was obviously  the norm in that lab.  And guess what people? They didn’t even give her a sticker OR a lollipop. She was genuinely happy because of her amazing experience.

My technique may have encouraged a little bit of a strange reaction but it worked to prevent a flood of tears.
The nurses acknowledgment of my big girl’s casual behavior made me realize that none of my children have ever cried over receiving any needles. So I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to share some very important things that I DONT do and other things that I always make sure to do, which definitely contribute to a calm, cool, and collective visit to the doctor:

I always let my children know that we are going to the doctor on the day of their appointment. Knowing what to expect helps one to prepare in whatever way they need to.

I am very careful with the answers to the questions that my children ask. As my children got older, sometimes they would even ask, “Am I getting a needle today?” My answer would usually be “I am not sure” because the truth is I never really did know. However,
there was no point in answering definitively, which could lead to disappointment and mistrust or unnecessary anxiousness.

And, I also never ever answer the question “Is it going to hurt?” with any definitive answer, because the truth is what’s painful for one person is not necessarily painful for another.

I have received many needles in my lifetime and none of them ever hurt to me so, from my perspective, the answer is “No, they don’t hurt (me)”.  But I know some adults who cry at the thought of a needle for one reason or another, in which case, from their perspective, needles hurt a lot. Either way, as parents, we must be mindful of projecting our own fears of things onto our children.

And last, but certainly not least, I don’t make sad and nervous looking faces at the idea of a needle. I like to keep a “nuetral” face, which looks rather blank. Children can read faces and they look to us more often than most people realize to determine how to react to a situation. Therefore, it’s important to avoid misleading them based on an experience that is very personal to you as an individual. It’s best to let them come to their own conclusion about and based on their own experiences.

Talk to you soon!

-Serene “Sweetpea”

Share with Me: Are there any experiences that you and your child react to in very different manners?


There is Power in a Name

Pot of Sweet Peas

From as far back as I can remember I have always been my mother’s “Sweet Pea”.  It is a name that I was given very early on and even now at the age of 33, no matter who is present, if my mother is in the room, I am “Sweet Pea”.  There was a time in my life, probably around my teenage years, that I wished my mom did not refer to me as “Sweet Pea”.  She would do it in front of my friends and it would embarrass me to no end.  Now, since I’ve become a mom I realize that it is a name given to me by someone who really loves me.  So I embrace my Sweet Pea-ness (hence the blog name). 

Names are a funny thing.  Whether it’s the name that is on your birth certificate that carries a meaning, for example, my actual name Serene, means calm and tranquil or the names that you were given as you walked through life, names hold a lot weight. And they hold even more weight depending on who is calling you the name. 

So imagine my shock when I hear people call children names like, “Bad”, and “Idiot”, and those are the light versions that I’ve heard.  I have actually heard on more than one occasion, a mom call her daughter a b-tch.  Seems crazy, doesn’t? Imagine my surprise witnessing it firsthand.  

What would warrant such a name? Even more importantly, what impact will a name like that and others have on the child on the receiving end? You see, it has been my experience that the name given sets the bar for the expectations that you have for your child.  And children, because they have a desire to please, tend to live up to the names that they are called, especially when the name is being said with laughter, as I have also heard them be said as well. 

When a 2 year old says “NO” and throws a tantrum on the floor, are they really being “Bad”? Let’s take a further step back and define BAD (not the Michael Jackson version, but the one with the negative connotation).  The Webster Dictionary’s definition of “bad” is failing to reach an acceptable standard, inadequate or unsuited to a purpose.  

So now let us revisit that tantrum-having 2-year old and let’s also set the record straight.  I am NOT by any means a fan of tantrums.  They cause scenes, interrupt the moment, and most of all, make us as parents and caregivers look like we don’t have things under control.  I know that I had all kinds of thoughts and feelings when my boys fell out on the floor wailing in the store over a darn box of cereal (they pick the best times, don’t they?).  But I knew that it was age appropriate and more importantly, I knew that THE BEHAVIOR was bad, not the child.  The BEHAVIOR did not reach my standards, THE BEHAVIOR was inadequate and unsuited for the purpose that I have for my children.  

What we need to realize is many of the behaviors that children display are either age appropriate, a sign of a need, or imitated behavior.

When a child repeats the  behavior or the same patterns of behavior over and over, it’s usually because there has been no reaction performed to stop that behavior or they are simply living up to what was expected. 

Only two things can come from negative name calling.  You end up having a child who fulfills your prophesy of the name you have given them OR you end up having a child who resents you when they grow up and realize that the name you had once given them was not at all who they are.  

As the adults we are the ones who set the bar.  High standards birth great expectations and great expectations birth great children.  We have to give our children great names to show them that we expect great things.  

Talk to you soon!

Share with me: What names do you call your child? Do the names line up with your expectations?