My decision to have a third child was definitely not a choice that I made on my own. T and I had talked about having a third child, but it was only talk. My husband comes from a big family so having more children was always an option for him. Me being one of two, I always thought two was enough. I began entertaining the thought of having a third child when I got the desire to have a little girl. Sure, I love my Papi and Munchkin, but there is something very different about a mother-daughter relationship. So the urge was tugging at me. But it was only TALK!!
When I found out that I was 5 weeks pregnant, you talk about being speechless! I cried so much on the day I found out, and then I cried a bit more for the next two weeks to follow. I was so unhappy. In a matter of weeks my entire future flashed before my eyes and the headline, in neon lights read, “You are destined to forever be JUST A MOM”. Now don’t get me wrong, the job of mom is definitely an important one that I love very much (most days), but when you have children who are already becoming more self-sufficient and able to entertain themselves for hours and hours, the thought of bringing another helpless, dependent, little life in the house can be very daunting. My family of four had already established our rhythm. Our days had become predictable in their unpredictability. I had mastered life with two children and had just began to feel comfortable with the idea of doing more things for myself. Now with the thought of a baby coming, I heard the cell door slamming and the judge saying “you are now sentenced to another 18 years of motherhood”. Man, I didn’t even finish serving the first two sentences! Now I know all of this sounds harsh, especially coming from a woman whose life and career surrounds around children, but that’s how I truly felt. Let’s blame it on the hormones.
Anyhow, after a few nights of talking with the hubby and other mentors, I finally realized why I felt so sad about what was meant to be a joyous occasion. I had many dreams for myself as an individual. In my career, I wanted to open my own school. In my marriage, I wanted to be able to take out the time to enjoy my hubby the way I did before the children came along, and as an adult, I wanted to be able to go out and enjoy the company of other adults. As the boys were getting bigger, all of these things were coming closer into view. But as my belly grew larger, not only did my feet disappear, but so did any ideas of reclaiming back my life… or so I thought.
Around 20 weeks of pregnancy, I had a heart to heart conversation with my hubby who felt like he could not enjoy this pregnancy as much as he wanted to because I was so down in the dumps. He really wanted to know why I felt this way and what he could do to help. I explained to him all of the things that I wanted out of life and aspired to become. His answer was so simple that it made me kind of upset that I didn’t think of it myself. He said “Why can’t you still be those things?” What!!!! I thought, how can I have all these complex feelings and he comes up with this simple answer? It didn’t seem right. But he went on to explain that none of these things should be put on hold just because we are having a third baby. Of course, a new baby would mean that a little more effort has to be put forth in order to make these things come to fruition, but to put them on the back burner would be nonsensical if they are things that I really want.
Sometimes the answer could be that easy but it could be so hard to see when you are flooded with emotions and fear. To this day, I still struggle with doing things for myself versus solely focusing on the demands of motherhood, but every now and then I have to reassure myself that taking out the time for me is not sinful, and it is also vital in order for me to be the best mom that I can be. It’s all about a healthy balance.
Baby number 3 turned out to be a girl, our little Lylo, and I know one of the many things I want to teach her is that we are much more than how society portrays us as women and how we even portray ourselves.
Yes I am a mom. But I’m not just a mom. I’m also a wife, a lover (that’s an extension of being wife), an educator, an entrepreneur, a daughter, a friend, an advisor, a spiritual leader, and now a darn good multi-tasker.
Talk to you soon!
Share with me: What have you done for yourself lately?